Polyamory: 10 Myths and Why They're Not True

Polyamory is a relationship style that is largely misunderstood in our culture. Here we’ll debunk some of the worst things floating around about this taboo way of living and loving.

1. Polyamory is all about sex!

   False. If we break the word polyamory down, “poly” is Greek for many and “amor” is Latin for love. Polyamory can be a romantic, emotional or physical connection, or a combination of the 3.

2. Polyamory will fix your broken/dysfunctional relationships.

   False. I mean, if your relationship is one foot out the door, polyamory will expose that fact. However, just like you can enjoy more than one flavor of ice cream, you can enjoy different things about different people, without it taking away from any other relationships. If this logic were true, people would only have 1 child for fear of not loving them all equally. 

3. Polyamory is just a license to cheat!

   False. Polyamory involves the explicit consent of all partners involved. For this reason, there are different vernaculars on the different kinds of relationships you can participate in. 

4. Polyamorous people never get jealous.

   We totally do! Jealousy is a human emotion, and we’re not immune to it! The difference is we don’t see it as a limiting factor, but as something to be worked through.

5. Polyamorous people get a lot of STI’s!

   False. People who practice polyamory have both clear and regular communication around protective boundaries and routinely get full panel tests and openly share these results, often before getting physically involved as to protect the polycule (the connected group of people involved). 

6. Polyamorous people always know their metamours (Their partners partner).

   False. You don’t have to meet or spend time with anyone you don’t want to. Poly people consent to their partners dating others but can also decide on boundaries as far as what information they want to know about their metamours, and if they want to know/spend time with them personally. 

7. Polyamory is for people who can’t commit.

   False. We love and live by our google calendars! If anything, we love committing to others. I myself have a husband of 11 years, a 2 long distance girlfriends of 15 & 20+ years. 

8. Polyamory is a phase.

   False. I would argue that cheating is a phase. Polyamory is wildly intentional and honestly takes a lot of emotional maturity and intelligence and is not easy by any means.

9. You cannot truly love more than one person.

   False. People have multiple children everyday and if you can have multiple children and love them each differently & uniquely, then you understand the basic tenets of polyamory; Love is abundant, and loving one person doesn’t take away from the love you share with another. 

10. There aren’t enough hours in the day for multiple partners. FALSE.

    If you have time management problems, just say that. Polyamory is no different from prioritizing time with your partner, family, friends, or hobbies. You decide your own level of involvement and co-create a relationship style that satisfies the people involved, just like any other aspect of life.

The #1 hangup for people who are monogamous/on the outside is the jealousy component. The popular trope, “I could never share my partner, I’d be so jealous,” gets thrown around as if jealousy is something to be prideful of. Bottom line, jealousy happens to everyone and poly folks aren’t immune. We are just committed to working through it and not hiding behind it for the sake of abundance. 

Written By Rox Ash D, Polyamory Advocate