When Life Feels Harder Than Your Erection
Erectile Dysfunction or ED, is not something people are looking forward to experiencing, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. ED or impotence is experiencing difficulty in maintaining an erection, rigidity and tumescence when performing sexually, and is more common that you might be aware of. According to a study in Massachusetts, 52% of men have had personal experience with ED. Though it often affects men over 40, it also occurs in men younger than 40 (about 26%). So, given how common it is, why isn’t this common knowledge? We live in a society that shames people who are open about their sexuality and sexual experiences. Can we please change that? Cause its sure not serving anyone who is sexually active, and my hope is that everyone reading this has a healthy sexual appetite complete with wonderfully fulfilling sexual experiences. Being a human is hard enough, and our bodies are all normal despite our discomfort around them changing as we age. So *big exhale* let’s dive into some potentially helpful tips as well as triggers to avoid, that can offer some resolution.
GOOD LIFE CHOICES
If you are experiencing ED, there are a number of things you can do. First, decrease/stop using certain recreational vices (drinking, smoking cigarettes/vaping, drugs). Your mental frame can play a role as well; having depression, stress, insomnia as well as any lingering relationship issues can negatively affect the rigidity of your erections. Implementing a regular exercise routine was shown to help alleviate ED symptoms in a study conducted over a 6-month period. In short, improving your overall health as well as prioritizing your mental hygiene in addition to exercise is always a great place to start. Please keep in mind that there are certain medical conditions that are associated with experiencing ED including, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, Parkinsons disease, & MS.
SEX SHOPS
If you’ve not visited your local sex shop, you need to go! If you’re needing an invitation to head to your local sex shop and grab some new spicy toys to share and explore with your partner, consider yourself cordially invited to do so. There is nothing that the people working at sex shops haven’t seen, and many of the workers are very knowledgeable about how the products work and are willing to share feedback they’ve received from customers and help with any questions you may have.
Vacuum Erection Devices (VEDs) are another alternative and work to increase blood flow to the penis. By placing a tube over your shaft, you use the device to stimulate blood flow by changing air pressure. Vacuums/pumps are safe for long term use but can potentially have a few side effects if not used properly. Another apparatus you can pick up from your local sex shop is a cock ring. These work by restricting blood flow out of the penis, which can potentially help maintain a longer erection. When worn correctly at the base of your penis, the pressure prevents blood from leaving the erectile tissues, keeping you harder, for a longer period of time. When left on for too long, or if the ring is too tight, the penis can become bruised and numb. It’s also important to note that is it NOT advised to use metal/steel cock rings, as it has led to amputation. Stick to soft stretchy ones instead. Keep in mind that both of these options are quick solutions that will not offer permanent long-term results.
Reframe this time in your life as an excuse to explore new toys and spice up your sex life. There are so many fun options to try, it’s almost worth mentioning you might be overwhelmed by the many toys there are to choose from. Keep in mind, all these options exist because people want to experience pleasure. Whether it be to try something new, for their own solo play, or because there is a need to remedy an issue within a sexual relationship. Either way, the options make it wildly clear that you are not alone. There are wearable toys, remote control toys, grinding toys and ones that simulate fellatio as well, and there is no shortage of people purchasing them. In fact, you’re probably missing out by NOT having some.
TREATMENT
If you are not achieving the desired results after adjusting your diet and addressing any mental health issues, consider consulting with a healthcare professional about medication options. Common medications to treat erectile dysfunction (ED) include Viagra and Cialis, which increase blood flow to the penis. Additionally, testosterone replacement therapy may be an option if your testosterone levels are low.
TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER
Let’s all be mindful that as we age, how common this experience will be. If you are the receiving partner, or the one who would be penetrated, it’s equally important to be sensitive to your partner when discussing this issue. If you’re dating, it might be a good practice to address and normalize the conversation before things get to a physically intimate space. Having this conversation upfront is a useful way to communicate that it is not unusual or a deal breaker. Try saying something like, “Do you have issues with maintaining an erection? Cause if so, it’s not a deal breaker for me so long as you don’t have issues with providing me with pleasure using X,Y,Z (oral, fingers, toys etc.). Having an orgasm isn’t always the goal, staying hard doesn’t have to be either; The real goal is the connection shared between partners!”
It’s totally understandable if this conversation is something you’ve never considered. Most of us aren’t ever taught about pleasure, let alone how to navigate relationship issues that aren’t exactly choices we have control over. For some, a toe-curling O is always the goal, and that’s amazing. Yes, we love that! However, know that it is possible to enjoy sex without that kind of release. Similarly, it is possible to pleasure a partner without ever having to use your genitals on them by including toys to provide them with pleasure. Let’s not forget about oral and using our fingers to play also. I personally think fingers are underrated. There is nothing hotter than the feeling of your partner talking you through your own pleasure, while using their fingers on you. Cant relate? Trust me, you are missing out and should definitely try it. 😊
Sources:
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/do-penis-pumps-work#how-it-works
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/erectile-dysfunction/symptoms-causes/syc-20355776
