Why Exploring Your Sexuality Alone Can Make Partnered Sex Even BETTER

Sex is a healthy way to experience pleasure and enhance the relationship you share with your partner, but many of us aren’t necessarily having the sex we want — or getting the satisfaction we deserve.

Today’s women (and men!) are navigating daily lives that are busier than ever before and sex — when we’re able to fit it into our hectic schedules — can feel like an afterthought at best and a “chore” at worst.

Although communication with our partners is key to a successful relationship (and great sex), many people struggle with sharing their needs and desires.

And some aren’t even sure what those needs and desires really are.

Taking the time to explore your own sexuality — alone — can not only help you discover what gets you off but it also provides a roadmap of sorts, one that can improve the sexual experiences you share with your partner later on.

Discover Your Biggest Turn-Ons

The first step to sexual self-discovery begins with answering one question, and honestly:

What turns you on?

That sounds like a simple question, but you’d be surprised by how many people answer with “I don’t know.”

To get in touch with this side of your sexuality, think about the things that excite you sexually, the fantasies you’ve never shared aloud — or the ones that you’ve been afraid to explore.

If you’re not sure what those are, it can be helpful to read erotic stories — or even watch some ethical porn if you’re into it — to discover what gets your motor running.

Reach Out And Touch Yourself

Masturbation is a gift we can give to ourselves but it’s one that still, despite our sex-positive social and cultural advancements, carries a fair amount of stigma.

You won’t grow hair on the palms of your hands, you can’t possibly rub yourself until your bits fall off, and there is absolutely no shame in bringing yourself to orgasm.

The best thing about masturbation (aside from the pleasure it can bring) is that it allows us to literally get in touch with our own bodies, and that includes discovering what feels good — or what feels amazing.

Many women, especially when young and inexperienced, aren’t sure of either — and when you don’t know what gets you off, there’s a good chance your partner isn’t going to, either.

Masturbation is a great way to explore sensations without the pressure of “performing” during partnered sex.

You can take all the time you need to touch your erogenous zones in different ways, experimenting with speed, pressure, and sensation as you go — ultimately discovering the types of stimulation that work best for you.

Sex toys can be useful tools for self-sexploration, as well.

If you love receiving oral sex (cunnilingus) or don’t enjoy vaginal penetration, for instance, a clit sucking vibrator might be the perfect sex toy to try.

Placed directly over or around the clitoris, this type of vibrator is simple to use, generally operates quietly, and in many cases, doesn’t even look like a sex toy at all.

The bonus?

It can be used during partnered sex play, too.

Understanding what gets you off will not only provide you with plenty of orgasms, but it’ll build your confidence and self-esteem too — in the bedroom, and well beyond it.

Finally, Share Your Needs And Desires With Your Partner

Once you’ve taken the time to explore your sexuality on your own, take what you’ve learned about yourself and share it with your partner.

This is the step that many people struggle with the most.

It can be difficult and even uncomfortable to open up and tell someone what we need or want in the bedroom.

At the same time, the only way those needs are going to be met is if your partner actually knows about them.

So do you bring it up in the bedroom, or somewhere else? It depends.

If what you need relates to touch or a method of stimulation, make the suggestion or request during sex play, guiding your partner in the moment.

(For that matter, ask them what they need or want — communication goes both ways!)

If there’s a fantasy or new sexual activity you’ve been thinking about exploring, however, the best place to broach the topic is outside the bedroom.

In a neutral setting — when sex isn’t on the table — both partners can discuss the topic openly and reach consent with no pressure involved.

For instance, if you want to bring sex toys into your partnered sex play, talking about it ahead of time will ensure your partner isn’t consenting against their will in the heat of the moment.

(If your partner’s never used sex toys before or has shown no interest in them, don’t surprise them with a dildo during sex.)

By keeping the lines of communication open with your partner, you can share your desires with one another, talking through them openly and

honestly, and be well on your way to enjoying the best sex of your lives, together.

But it all starts with knowing what you want and need.