4 Ways to Reignite Your Sex Life
The more whole we are as sexual beings, the more fulfilled we are as human beings.
-Amy Jo Goddard (sexual empowerment coach)
Sex and sexuality is an important aspect of life that typically takes the first hit when we’re too busy and stressed out. While most people say they don’t want to have sex when they’re stressed, sex actually relieves stress by reducing the stress hormones so when you put effort into it you get to reap the benefits. But the common fact is, many people haven’t been sexual for so long that it’s a little difficult for them to get back into that sexual mode. Let me reassure you it’s never too late to start introducing eroticism back into your life. If you’re reading this article you’re on the right track!
#1 Reset your sexual goals
In order to reignite your sex life, both partners have to be on board. Start this journey by having an open conversation about how you are doing sexually as a couple and what your sexual goals are. I know it may sound like an awkward conversation but trust me sexual communication is the necessary first step in this process. Here are some questions to ask when you and your partner are resetting your sexual goals:
From 1 to 10, how would you rate our sex life right now? And where do you want to be?
In a normal week, how many times would you like to be sexually intimate?
What would you like to see more of in our sex life?
Remember, this process is all about communicating and collaborating 😊 I’ve helped lots of clients resetting their sexual goals and here’s one example for a couple in their 30s:
New sexual goals for Nathan and Ruby: “We are committing to having great sex once a week and touch each other sexually more often with more intention during the week.”
Here’s another example for a couple in their 40s:
New sexual goals for Peter and Kate: “We are committing to trying a new sexual adventure once a month (This can be going to a sex toy shop together to get a new fun toy, role playing, or sexual meditation) and having sex at least once a week.”
#2 Try new things and explore together
Comfort and stability can make you feel secure in a relationship but it can also kill passion in a long-term relationship. In order to combat feeling too comfortable and predictable, couples must put in the effort to explore the erotic world together. Here are three easy ways to explore new sexual things. First, tantric massage. Giving each other sensual massages can help reignite the passionate feelings (pro tip: add a little dirty talk to this massage to really spice it up 🔥). Second, sexual meditation. No, you’re not falling asleep. Sexual meditation is very engaging and stimulating. Check out Luvbites by Dr. Tara on YouTube for free guided sexual meditation that you can do solo or together (pro tip: try doing this naked, a little vulnerability is sexy ☺️). Third, new toys that you can use together. Toys can be such a fun way to reignite your sex life (pro tip: guys! Toys are your friends not enemy or substitution. Keep an open mind for new toys).
#3 Play more outside the bedroom
Being sexually playful outside the bedroom will translate the passion into the bedroom. As we get older, we have more life responsibilities, we forget to play. Try to incorporate little playful acts during the day with and for your partner. For example, you can try leaving a spicy Post-it note for your partner (e.g., can’t wait to taste you when I’m home tonight ;-) or The thought of you makes me horny). This is just one simple way to be more playful with your partner. Another way is to practice naughtiness outside the bedroom! For example, you can try tapping on their butt and say “nice butt!” or caressing their thighs, arms, shoulder, and playing with their hair.
#4 Expose yourself to more sex positive content
One great way to reignite your sex life is to normalize sex positivity in your daily life. Some people are so far removed from sexiness and eroticism. That’s okay, like I said before it’s never too late to start. You can do this by reading erotica (nowadays they have audio ones too!), listening to sex positive podcasts (Luvbites by Dr. Tara, Honeydew Me, Sluts & Scholars, Sex & Psychology, and etc.)
