A Guide to Swinging
Group sex comes in a variety of different forms, ranging from queer sex cruises to swinging. However, entering into the group sex realm can be incredibly daunting and nerve racking. So, here are some tips and tricks to make entering into the group sex world a little bit easier.
What is Swinging?
First off, it is important to understand what you are getting yourself into. Sex parties, which is a much broader term that encompasses most group gatherings where sex takes place, whereas swinging, more specifically, is when couples in “closed” relationships participate in group sex.
How to decide if you and your partner should participate in group sex?
Before making the jump and committing to group sex, it is important to assess that status of your relationship and decide whether or not it is the best idea to invite other people into your sex life. On one hand, if you both want it and are in a stable place in your relationship, group sex can be a great addition to spice things up in the bedroom. However, if one partner feels pressured into the situation or you and your partner do not have the space to communicate well and trust and listen to each other, group sex may not be for you. Group sex can be very powerful and make a big impact on your relationship, therefore it is important that that impact be positive. However, there are some signs that off that bat seem negative but could be good reasons to engage in group sex. If you or your partner is feeling insecure in themselves, maybe they do not think they are pretty enough, or their penis is too small, or they are inexperienced, group sex can be a great way to combat that. Having sex with other people can bolster you and your partners confidence in a variety of ways. Letting a man see another man’s penis and understand that not everyone is as big as a porn star is great for a man’s sexual confidence. Similarly, allowing your partner to be appreciated, admired, and pleasured by others can skyrocket their confidence not only in the bedroom, but in life. Exploring your sexual horizons can not only boost your confidence and expose you to new experiences, but give your partner the chance to “catch up sexually.” Similarly, it can broaden your sexual horizons and spice things up if your sex life has become boring or a bit vanilla.
Manage your expectations
Make sure to have a conversation with your partner about expectations when going into a sex party or group sex. What do you want to happen? What boundaries should you set/do you want to set? However, if you are going with a partner make sure to stick to the expectations that you set prior to the party, in order to not make your partner feel uncomfortable or slighted in any way. Similarly, prepare for rejection. Do not take rejection as a slight against you, but as a person taking care of themselves. Not everyone is fit for everyone else.
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
Asking for what you want is incredibly sexy!! Be confident in what you want and communicate your wants and needs to the person you want to engage with. Communication is key in any sexual scenario, especially when you are having sex with people you do not know, multiple people, or both. Similarly, communication plays a big role regarding consent. Consent is imperative in group sex and sex party scenarios. Going to a sex party or participating in group sex does not require you to have sex with everyone there. The ability to revoke your consent is always present. But in saying that, remember that everyone else is always allowed to revoke their consent. Therefore, rejection is not personal during group sex and at sex parties.
I Know the Tips and Tricks, Now What?
Now that you know how to go about the sex, where do you find it? There are a variety of apps nowadays that provide the opportunity for couples to find other people to have sex with. Some of those include Feeld, Swingery, Kasidie, SLS, and Adult Friend Finder. Everyone’s desires and needs are different and it is important to do your research and figure out which app and what kind of relationships and group sex work for you. Take the time to get to know the people you want to bring into your bedroom and form a line of communication and comfort with them prior to engaging sexually. Group sex can be daunting and potentially damaging for a relationship, so it is critical to go at it with nuance and ease. However, if approached correctly and cautiously, it can be a great addition and improvement to a couple’s sex life and relationship.
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