The Threesome Chronicles: Tales of Triumph and Tips for Success
It’s common knowledge that threesomes and group play are among the top sexual fantasies for most people. For some, it looks like a couple who enjoy the idea of exploring with another person, for some, it’s wanting to be shared by a couple. After that, there are those who believe, the more the merrier, and want to have another couple join, or even attend a play party with strangers. Whether its still on your fvck it list, or if you’ve been fortunate enough to cross it off, there are plenty do’s and don’ts around this spicy experience. Some of the basics include, testing regularly and ensuring anyone joining the fun does also. Secondly, group play can be anxiety inducing, especially if its your first time or if a new partner is involved. Liquid courage is a thing, however there is a fine line in safely knowing your limits, and possibly not remembering a thing about your fun sexcapades. For instance, no one wants to be a victim of whiskey dick for those identifying as male. For those identifying as female, you want to be able to consent and self-advocate in the moment, so drink responsibly and know your own limits. Lastly, remember to have extra barriers to switch between partners or in case one breaks. Nothing kills the mood like not being able to stay safe.
Looking for someone to join you and your existing partner?
DO expect to put in work. There are apps and meet-up groups that can specifically help you scratch this itch. These things take time to develop and see if everyone’s sexual interests are in alignment. No one wants to yuck anyone else’s yum. If someone has a kink or sexual desire you’re not into, that’s great information for all parties to realize, that this isn’t a good fit. Time and energy to devote to the next potential candidate are saved, thanks for playing!
The name for a couple looking for someone to join them sexually are known as unicorn hunters, and there are problematic issues associated with those who act accordingly. Unicorn hunters have an unequal power imbalance which often means the potential third has less assumed respect, autonomy, are being objectified, and typically tends to be an exploitation of bisexual women. If you find someone who is into that, GREAT! Keep kinking on then but know that most people in the community view unicorn hunting as problematic and unethical. Another term, couples privilege essentially means that the needs of the couple supersede anyone else’s, including the potential third, and is also very problematic and typically something that people who are newer to the lifestyle are guilty of defaulting to. Make sure you’re not a part of the problem, do some research, and aim to be as ethical in any and all of your sexual pursuits, please. This will benefit your sexual endeavors more than you know.
Looking to join an existing couple?
CONGRATS, you are what is known as in the community as a unicorn and are very sought after. You should know that most of the power is in your hands in this position. Be prepared to advocate for yourself, as far as things you’re willing to do to and with each partner. Maybe you prefer receiving oral from one gender over another, and if everyone agrees to your boundaries, that’s great! It’s also ok if these boundaries change later. It’s always ok to walk away from potential play partners who aren’t in alignment with how you like to be touched, spoken to, or who have different kinks/desires than you.
Looking to swing/couple swap?
I’ve heard that craigslist and certain corners of the interwebs different apps are perfect for finding others for this specific sexual experience. The more connections, platonic or otherwise, you make in this community, the more successful experiences you will likely be afforded access to later. The casual nature of this experience means that it’s exceedingly important to ensure everyone has been tested recently. Now admittedly, swinging and couple swaps are not something I have experience with and are only things that exist in my periphery…so let’s do some story time from my own personal experiences, shall we?
A series of very fortunate events…
In my formative years, the sexual orientation options were few and limited to gay, straight and bisexual. At the time I identified as bi and was very vocal and made space for partners to know that while they are great and satisfy me in ways that only they can (typically men), they will never be what they’re not (meaning women). I had a partner I was honest with, and as luck would have it, we made friends with a couple who had swinging/poly/and group play experience (I affectionately refer to the female as my poly god mother). The odds happened to be in my favor in this scenario, the female was attracted to me and the coupled played separately, meaning I wasn’t expected to play with her partner, nor did I have any desire or curiosity to do so. This was a whole new world that I didn’t know existed, she patiently approached me and informed me of her agreement in her marriage and that this wouldn’t be cheating; This was a dynamic built on respect, and most importantly it was OK as I had no intention of coming between anyone else’s relationship.
Now at the time I was inexperienced and honestly believed I did the best I could with the information I had at the time to best show up for my own relationship. A miscommunication showed me that I was wrong, and the relationship ended, and by that, I mean, he was under the impression that any woman who was interested in me was automatically available to him. Umm, Sir, NO. So, I ended that relationship, and stuck it out with the woman for many years, asking many questions and learning from her firsthand experiences, and learning to love the person in front of me. Several years later, she moved away, but we stayed in touch and agreed to attempt what would be my first long distance relationship.
Fast forward several years later, and I met a man who was ready to accept my sexuality which he understood had nothing to do with him, and I was free to pursue others desires in addition to pursuing him; Sometimes dreams do come true. Eventually, my comet gf (romantic or sexual partner that one sees occasionally) let me know she was going to be in town, and that we had to see each other. I just so happened to already have planned to stay with my boyfriend on that particular date, and I asked them both if they would be interested in meeting the other. Thank my lucky stars, they both said agreed. I told them both to expect nothing from the other as I was only connecting an older flame to a newer flame, and no expectations were to be made. That was until there was a flirty vibe in the air between them two individually and ultimately all three of us, and the spicy times we had that night were unavoidable. It’s been over a decade and counting, and we still all play together whenever she is in town and not in a monogamous relationship with another male. I’m happy to say we all genuinely enjoy our time together. None of this would have been possible without clear and transparent communication from the beginning. My then bf, now husband, got very lucky the night he met my comet gf. We each date outside of our marriage, separately, and I’ve had to assure him as well as other potential females that I am not acting on his behalf or as a liaison for unicorn hunting. That being said, I am very happy it all worked out and that they each had enthusiastic consent and organic desire for one another from the beginning. Such a unique and special happily ever after… or at least, while we all remain happy and healthy together, after.
